


what i've been looking for

by biacnaib



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kingsman 2 trailer spoilers, Merlin looking for Roxy, flashbacks to their time together, implied Hartwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 02:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12049647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biacnaib/pseuds/biacnaib
Summary: When Merlin had kissed Roxy goodbye it was supposed to be an ordinary mission.When Merlin had pulled her close he thought that he would be able to do that again in a couple days.When Merlin had inhaled her scent, he never imagined that he would have to hold on to that memory so desperately.But when Merlin saw Lancelot’s feed go dark he suddenly wasn’t so sure anymore.





	what i've been looking for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Madpineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madpineapple/gifts).



> So some spoilers from the Kingsman 2 trailer and there's a character from Kingsman 2.

Merlin had decided to call it a day and leave early. It had been an uneventful day, just the agents being on their missions and the handlers aiding them from afar in the Estate.  
Arthur had offered to stay and wait for Bors because he wanted to congratulate him on his successful mission, so Merlin wasn’t needed right now.  
He planned to finally enjoy his book and a nice cup of tea, because who knows what the next day might bring.

His car just entered the outskirts of London when Merlin’s glasses beeped. He sighed.  
Had he really expected to be unbothered for a couple hours?  
“Yes?” He answered the call from one of the handlers.  
“We just lost contact to Bors” came the answer.  
Merlin quickly recapped the last info he got on his agent: “But he was almost at the Shop, what happened?”  
“We don’t know, suddenly his feed went black. Hang on… what? We lost Tristan, too!”  
Merlin could hear some angry yelling in the background “What the hell is going on?” he called.  
He leaned forward to notify his driver to turn around.  
“We seemed to have lost …”  
But Merlin didn’t hear who else they’ve lost because all he could hear was a loud bang and then there was nothing. 

There was only ringing in his ears. 

Slowly Merlin turned around and looked out the back window. His worst fears were confirmed when he saw a huge smoke cloud in the direction of the estate.  
Promptly he turned back around and saw another smoke cloud coming out of the city. 

“The shop” he whispered.  
Merlin pulled out his tablet and switched between the feeds.

He came up with nothing.

The shop couldn’t be contacted.

No handler was online.

Arthur was offline.

Bedivere offline. 

Bors offline.

Gawain offline.

Galahad offline.

Merlin knew who was next. Time slowed down, his finger moved incredibly slow.  
He knew he shouldn’t have hopes. But he still had.  
How couldn’t he? They haven’t had enough time. 

~

“Well, do you have another idea?” Roxy asked exhaustedly. Merlin just shrugged lightly.  
They had been sitting in his office for hours, racking their brains to try and find a way to infiltrate the private home of a corrupt head of state but it was incredibly secured.  
“We should have the other handlers have a look at it tomorrow I guess” Merlin said and suppressed a yawn.  
He glanced at the clock. 2:20 a.m. He hadn’t realized how late it had gotten.

Roxy twirled a pen in her hand and took a final glance at the layout of the house they tried to infiltrate.  
“I guess” she sighed and put down the pen.  
She looked up and noticed Merlin’s glance to the clock and looked as well.  
“Oh wow, it’s late already” She laughed quietly “we have to be back here in less than 4 hours”  
Roxy rested her head in her hand and looked at her older colleague.  
“Well, I didn’t take this job to get enough sleep anyway” he groaned but smiled.  
The young agent chuckled “Yeah, me neither.”  
She started to clear up the papers they had distributed all over Merlin’s desk.  
She almost got up to get to some other maps which were on another desk but stopped and turned her chair towards Merlin.  
“The sleep deprivation, the stress and danger… it’s all worth it, don’t you think?” 

Merlin didn’t even have to think about it.  
He was doing this for twenty years now and chose this life every single day. 

But when he answered “Yes. Yes, it is.” he didn’t only mean their work.  
He looked into her eyes and was suddenly aware how quiet it was.

Only his computer was faintly whirring and the screens were emitting a faint glow which only reached only halfway into the room.  
The world was sleeping and they were in a little bubble, undisturbed and peaceful.  
Roxy opened her mouth slightly as if she wanted to say something but closed it again. 

The tech wizard was suddenly aware how close they were, like she was radiating heat.  
Her brown eyes were still staring into his soul, her pony tail slightly coming undone and her face still resting in her palm.  
She was so beautiful and strong and skillful and just amazing. 

But before he could think anything else Roxy leaned forward, placed one hand on his cheek and kissed him gently.  
Merlin could only wrap one hand around her neck shortly before she smiled into the kiss.  
He wasn’t sure how long it lasted but way too soon Roxy pulled away and still smiled. 

“Well, I will see you tomorrow then” she grinned and grabbed her jacket.  
“Goodnight Merlin” and she was already at the door.  
“Goodnight” was all Merlin managed, while he felt his heartbeat in his ears. But he was smiling as well and couldn’t believe his luck.  
The smile never left his face as he was collecting the last pieces of paper and heading home himself.  
He couldn’t wait for the next day and to see Roxy again.

~

Lancelot offline.

His heart dropped and shattered into a million pieces.  
The rest of the agent’s black feeds were just a blur. 

Merlin looked up. “To the shop” he told the driver.  
He didn’t know what he wanted there he just couldn’t go home. 

The shop was destroyed.  
A neat hole yawned between the other shops in Savile Row.  
Merlin just grabbed his jacket and his cap and sent the cab away. He stepped into the ruin but there was nothing left to save. E  
verything was burnt and just faintly smoking due to the rain.

But suddenly Merlin noticed something bright orange in front of the shop.  
He knew only one person who would wear this ridiculous jacket. He still couldn’t believe it.  
Merlin walked towards Eggsy. Shock was written in his face. 

But new hope was blossoming in Merlin’s chest.  
When Galahad had survived then Lancelot could have as well.  
“What happened?” Eggsy asked when Merlin was standing in front of him.

“You tell me, boy. We lost contact to all agents and now this” Merlin gestured towards the remains of the shop. “The estate is gone, too. And who knows what else”  
Eggsy just shook his head slowly. “I was supposed to meet up with Tristan. But he got killed right after the feed broke off.”  
“Have you heard of anyone else?” the young man asked. “…Roxy?” 

Merlin’s expression was utterly defeated. “No.” he pressed his lips together. “I had hoped that more agent’s survived, like you. But I don’t know”  
Eggsy gripped his shoulder “We’re gonna find her! I promise.” He knew what Merlin must be going through and Eggsy’s heart just remembered that pain too well.

-

Merlin could only convince himself to step on the plane to New York City because he knew that Roxy’s mission had led her to Mexico.  
But he still had no idea how to contact her with the feed’s still being offline. All other attempts to access the network with his tablet had now even no reaction at all.  
Whoever disrupted their means of communication had done a hell of a job.

Eggsy, who was sitting in front of him, had spent the first part of the flight to ramble about theories who could have been behind this and now tried to sleep.  
But Merlin saw him turning every couple of minutes restlessly.  
Merlin closed his eyes and tried to sleep as well.  
When they arrived at Statesman HQ they would have a lot of work to do, so they needed their energy.

~

Their first kiss in the middle of the night wasn’t their last one.  
Whenever possible Roxy and Merlin sneaked a kiss into their busy lives.  
But obviously, life got in the way and Roxy got sent on an extensive mission just a couple days later. 

“I will miss you” she said when they kissed goodbye.  
Merlin smiled between kisses. “Well, when you’re back I will take you on a real date, how about that?”  
The young woman wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I am already looking forward to it”  
Merlin stroke her back and gave her a final kiss on her head. 

And then the door closed behind her and she was gone.

Merlin went back to work on his computer and while switching through the feed’s he saw Lancelot glancing back at his office before turning back around and boarding her plane.

Eggsy waited for Roxy in the plane.  
“What took you so long?” he asked when his best friend finally stepped inside.  
She threw her bag on the floor and flopped into the chair opposite him.  
“I was busy” she grinned. 

“What could have been possibly more important than going on a mission with …” but Eggsy stopped and sat up straight. “No way. You didn’t?”  
Roxy smiled innocently “What?”  
“Oh shit, you hooked up with Merlin, I can’t believe it!”  
“Shut up” Roxy grinned. 

“I can’t believe it. And I wasn’t here to see it! No way.” Eggsy was now grinning too. “Told ya he likes you too”  
Roxy shrugged “Well, you were right” but she obviously didn’t mind Eggsy being right this time.

“So, tell me. How long has this been going on? What was is like? Is he bald everywhere? And do you know his name?” Eggsy bombarded her with questions.

Roxy just had to laugh “Oh shut up, that is none of your business!” 

Merlin couldn't listen quietly anymore and their glasses beeped: “Please cut the feed when you are talking about personal matters”

Eggsy burst out laughing and Roxy turned bright red. 

Merlin could still hear Eggsy laughing when Roxy turned off her glasses. 

"Now I definitely won't tell you his name" he heard Roxy say before Eggsy's feed went dark as well.

Merlin chuckled, he could tease Roxy with this when she came back.

~

Statesman had already tried their best to find out what exactly happened to Kingsman.  
While Eggsy was discussing the possible persons behind it, Merlin was more interested in how exactly they could shut down their communication and even more in how they could get it back to work again.

Merlin sat down next to the woman holding a clipboard much alike the one he had.  
“Ginger, right?” he asked. She nodded. “Any news in getting our com system back up?”  
“Sorry, whoever did this really did incredibly thorough work. I will let you know when I make progress” Ginger answered.  
Merlin wasn’t going to let himself be pushed aside that easily.  
“Could we try so send a message to the agents? The coordinates of a safe house maybe?”

His female counterpart thought for a moment and then shrugged “Yeah sure, we can try. But I can’t promise that it will reach them.”  
She put his tablet on the table and swiped away the feed of a lasso swinging agent of her own.  
Ginger pulled of the location of a safe house and then handed Merlin the tablet. “You can enter your safe word or whatever, so that your agents know it’s you. And these are the coordinates. “

Afterwards Merlin didn’t really feel better, but there wasn’t much he could do. So, he just watched Ginger pull up the feed of that agent again and leaned back in his chair. 

~

A room full of handlers was never quiet but Merlin liked the buzz of conversation.  
While most handlers were sitting at their desks, a couple were standing in front of the large screen on the wall.  
He saw Lancelot’s name on the bottom and knew that her feed was projected. Smaller screens next to it showed a live satellite image of a house and a layout of the building.  
“Two men entering the north-west entrance” one woman said with her hand on her earpiece.

“Copy that” Lancelot said and turned away from the staircase. Light-footed she entered the next room, carefully scanning for anyone hiding in the dark.  
“The window in front of you opens to a garage roof, you can just climb out.” Her handler told her.  
Lancelot nodded and moved through the door towards the window.  
She stepped over some toys but froze suddenly. She turned slowly towards the corner of the room and now they both saw a man leaning against the wall, but his eyes were closed.  
“Shit” Lancelot murmured under her breath. 

The handlers were now hectic: the window was the only possible exit for their agent and they didn’t have the time to look for another exit as the two men who just entered could be close.  
“Hang on a second” her handler said and went back to talking with her colleagues.

But Lancelot already examined the window frame, it was new and should open quietly. She closed the last few steps towards it quickly and turned the handle.  
A final glance towards the man confirmed that he was still asleep and she opened the window and was out.

While the handlers were typical to sometimes overthink the danger of a situation, Roxy just went with her instinct and had evaded any possibly dangerous contact to the enemy.  
Merlin was once again satisfied with her, he was sure she would be able to accomplish great things.

~

“We have to check the safe house” Merlin insisted.  
Eggsy sighed “I told ya, if the message had gotten out, I would have gotten it, too!” he pointed at his glasses.  
“I know, but we just have to check.” Merlin repeated himself, now just sounding hopelessly.

The last days had been a whirlwind, them being sent around by the Statesman, hoping to find whoever did this and hopefully stopping their next plan.  
Merlin had thrown himself into the work and the action, glad to distract himself.  
With every passing day, he just knew the chances of seeing Roxy again were slimming.

He didn’t acknowledge the thought that the chance could already be gone.  
He just couldn’t.  
If he did, he would break.

When Merlin had kissed Roxy goodbye it was supposed to be an ordinary mission.

When Merlin had pulled her close he thought that he would be able to do that again in a couple days.

When Merlin had inhaled her scent, he never imagined that he would have to hold on to that memory so desperately.

And the safe house was now his last hope. A final straw to clutch on so that he wouldn’t drown. 

 

Eggsy must have seen that in his eyes, because he sighed and turned the car around.  
But the closer they got the more anxious Merlin became.  
Fear was like an iron cage around his chest, constantly pressing closer together.  
When they came to a stop in front of the abandoned house Merlin felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

Eggsy and Merlin got out and pulled out their guns.  
Eggsy glanced at Merlin and saw his pained expression and took the lead. 

He opened the door and they quickly checked every room. 

Nothing.

~

When Merlin woke up, the other side of his bed was empty.  
The pillow was crumpled and the blanket slightly thrown back.

She’s gone.

Merlin closed his eyes again. He should have known that this was too good to be true.  
He thought that they had had a good time at their date. 

It had been late because Merlin had to finish some work. So, they just grabbed a bite at a small Chinese restaurant.  
Afterwards they walked around and decided to go to Merlin’s for a nightcap. Well one drink became two and it didn’t take them long move to the bedroom.

But she probably had had second thoughts after she woke up.  
Who was he fooling, it was a stupid idea. Apart from working together there was the age difference.  
For her that should be a dealbreaker.

Nevertheless, it had been wonderful, Roxy made Merlin feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time.  
He wasn’t ready to face reality again and left his eyes closed.

His dream didn’t have to end here though.  
“Good morning sleepy head” Roxy said.

Merlin opened his eyes and there she was, standing in the doorframe, wearing his shirt und holding a mug of steaming tea.  
“Good morning” he smiled and sat up. 

Roxy put the mug on the nightstand and climbed on top of him to kiss him.  
“I thought you were gone” Merlin mumbled.  
But the young woman wrapped her arms around him. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily” she said and giggled.  
“I really hope so” Merlin answered and pulled her closer.

~

Merlin had to take all his strength not to crumple down on the floor. 

Roxy wasn’t here. 

All his hopes had laid on this place, on seeing Roxy again.  
He never told her that he loved her, after they finally were in a relationship he had started to taken her for granted.  
Not deliberately but it that was just how it went. 

Retrospectively Merlin couldn’t believe it.  
He would do anything to get her back.  
To hold her in his arms again.  
To finally tell her, how much she means to him.

 

A creaking door made Eggsy and Merlin swivel around and point their guns towards the noise. 

But in the doorfrome stood Roxy.  
She was covered in dirt and her baggy not-fitting clothes were partly ripped.

But Merlin had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life.

The crushing weight on him lifted immediately and the colours around him were suddenly enhanced and clearer again. 

He closed the distance between them in seconds and embraced her like he would never let go of her again.  
Roxy sighed relieved and just hugged him back.  
Merlin framed her face with his hands and kissed her with all his heart.  
He had never deserved her in the first place and he didn’t know how he deserved a second chance.  
The older man leaned his forehead against Roxy’s and looked deep into her eyes.  
“I love you.”  
Roxy smiled. “ I love you, too.”


End file.
